Growing up in Silicon Valley to a father who was a main frame Systems Analyst for multiple Silicon Valley companies and big banking systems was a trip.
My Dad was the guy who engineered and made sure that the checks were being written correctly before atm’s and digital money became the thing. He taped our teeth that were falling out as we were kids growing up, onto punch cards. Punch cards were what my father used to code the computers he coded, “back in the day.” The punch cards were made from a beige paper stock that by punching holes in to them in certain areas of the card, that would be a line or several lines of code, that he would then feed to the computers, the computers would then be programmed to do what he commanded them to do as the operator, systems analyst and creator of their programs. He was a master of computing in his day and age, which made him a rare breed in his age group, even in Silicon Valley. He was born in Amsterdam in 1939, right before World War II broke out, and came to the USA with my beautiful mother to start a new life and family, in the name of freedom, nature and possibility.
In Silicon Valley, we lived in a townhouse with green grass and manicured trees that I tumbled on and climb in daily, pretending I was a gymnast, a yogini, an animal, a great explorer, a writer, an actress, a singer, a dancer, a magical being…
I grew up wanting to explore the world, to find out what’s happening to the people and why they are sad, hungry, unable to take care of their kids, why were they dying. I wanted to learn, so I could help people, humanity, life on earth, come alive, feel good, heal, and thrive.
My dad bought me an encyclopedia and I had a subscription to National Geographic — yes, they were paper, because of my thirst to know. He also paid me 10 cents per page written because he knew how I loved to write. I’m calling that a dollar now, and it’s my aim for this month, and every month that his will to support me for a Universal Basic Income of $1000 per month, that I will write $1 worth of one hand written page, which is now typed.
I learned to type, instead of taking a computer course in high school. There were 3 people in the typing class, and 30 people in the computer class. Yet somehow, I ended up being the lead Product Designer for Innovative Digital Products and became one of the First Women of the Web anyway, according to Geek Girls, mid-90’s. Who knew that that would be my claim to fame and the biggest thread in my life — what kind of technology can we create to help humanity heal?
So what is a woman of this esteem doing Lyft Driving, living in Yurts in jungles, in tents on beaches and sometimes, not even having enough money to shave her armpits and legs, let alone wash and condition her beautiful, beach strewn hair.. All that sand, all that sun… made it look bad.. and I was one of those young beauties roaming the beaches, dreaming with the beaches, and speaking with the waters of Tulum, Mexico, a place that captured my heart and soul, shook me up and said here, there you go. A place that said, “Well, you want this? Here it is. And it was delivered in the strangest of ways, that makes you consider, what kind of magic am I throwing into this pool of creation and how am I conscious creator in the reality that I create. I am the weaver of my own dream, I own the tools, of my wands, my arms and hands, as extensions of my heart, the seat of my soul. How am I wielding my energy, my magic, my intentions, my attention ? How do I relate with the world around me?
I came to Tulum to heal. I was already 40, and I had already tried several destination paths to yoga, meditation and healing in several forms. I’m truly a Boho, except that I was searhing for my path to financial freedom at the same time as going on Vision Quests and Dream experiences.
And when it first stared, in my 20’s, we were buliding it. We were building Global Villages.. and this effected my heart, mind and soul tremendously. All the years of looking at my National Geographics, watching non-fiction documentaries and films about people, places, animals and experiences. After almost being one of the first REAL WORLD “stars” *yes, I was a candidate, yet in the end I was so depressed, and just on the edge of the age group, and they didn’t choose me, though I was one of the semi-finalists…* “”
When they almost chose me for the REAL WORLD LONDON (1994), I was claiming that I’d make a digital village for the electronic community that supports, the best music, art and intentions…
After I sent in my initial application, I then went to reunite with my father in southern california to make a go at patching up our relationship, he gave me his computer, that had a turbo button so I could write my papers for the philsophy courses I was taking for that one undergrad semester of trying a different school out at UC Irvine. I wrote stories I probably shouldn’t have written there. I was a raver, dreaming of love, dance, joy, life creation.. and sex.. Not only was I discovering my embodiment, my intelligence, my love and dreams for life and hoping to accomplish them, I felt a real revery, a deep momentum for my creations and getting out there.. afterall, I was going to graduate from college soon. A scout in NYC had contacted me, they want me to try out for MTV’s REAL WORLD. They wanted me to send a video in. Who do I know in Southern California, that can help me with a video, I’m from Northern California, and I’ve been living in Boston, Massachusetts to go to university. Somehow, I found someone with the ability to make a video with me speaking my vision for being on the REAL WORLD, I sent in the video.
The family experience with my father was an interesting one to say the least. He was a very sad man, upset at how things had gone.. I don’t want to say much at this time about all of that. Let’s just say it ended up with my brother disowning our father (temporarily) while I sat next to my father in the family arguments, at his desk in his large, high ceiling office in his beautiful large home in Orange County.
They chose me, MTV chose me, the loved my video. I was one of a few hundred chosen. Now all I had to do was take some photos and write a few essays about why I would love to be in the REAL WORLD. Great, I’m a writer right? I’m super creative and I know what I want and love and it’s amazing what I’d love to create, right?
I had the ability to take one photo, with the polaroid camerat that I had. There was no digital, I didn’t have the cash to buy a camera, nor more film, I was going to school, undergrad, I was putting me through school, my family thought I was a burden to them, and wouldn’t support me, in fact, told me why I was a burden and a bad person and I shouldn’t have been born. That wasn’t remembered in the later years, yet I certainly remembered. It hurt me, a lot.
I couldn’t write the reasons why MTV’s REAL WORLD would want me with passion and love, and joy in my heart and certainty and confidence that I’d be chosen, and the one polaroid shot of me was with me looking sad, my eyes were closed. I had no support, no one who believed in my vision, let alone wanted to hear it. I was alone, distraught, depressed.. yet.. I had philosophy and my boyfriend loved me, even though I didn’t want to be with him, he really wanted to be with me.. And he was a sweetie, he taught me a lot, yet I had deep visions of meeting someone since I was a child.. and I felt I would know him when I met him.. and that was my biggest dream.. to be with someone that I may create beautiful realities with..
Woah.. what a journey….
Isn’t that the dream? It’s not just a Disney Dream as one of my exes would accuse me of envisioning as he spat on me saying that my dreams were false, and that he knew better, and who did I think I was to dream such.. and this is me, barely saying a thing, just listening, listening, listening as he coded me.. He was the second , no third man, young boy, hurt child, kid, possibly sociopath.. I had related with on this level, where I was just, as one of my friends says, ” a bucket for people’s pain.” Like literally, when people vomit up their bad intentions and spirit, they often throw it on others to carry….
I think it’s a way of screaming they need help. Yet, underneath all the complexities of their human ego, experiences, bodily functions and disfunctions, ancestral lineage and the pains they carry, sometimes they don’t know the difference between their bum, their eyes, head or heart.. They can’t tell what’s happening with them, because, well.. they don’t have a practice to do so. They don’t know how to properly “excavate” their own internal landscape, which is like an anthropological journey of uncovering the treasures, the history, the fragments, archeological remains, physical, mental and spiritual characteristics, of themselves, their family, their genetic code….
How was this beautiful blonde hair, blue eyed female angel of a girl who was brought up in one of the most prosperous places in the world that is making new world creations a burden to her family, her father, her friends and associates? How did the American Dream go so awry? And if she meant love and care, and she just wanted to help humanity heal, why couldn’t she do it? What was going on? Why didn’t she have the means to help herself and her family heal, come alive and do her work of dreaming up a Global Village for people who care about each other, love each other, love to dance, have fun, and make love.. ? Why didn’t she have what she needed to thrive? And why is she right now sitting at a coffee table of a friend in Mexico whose dogs she’s house sitting and sharing quarters separated by a sheet (a colored shawl from India actually) with a kind up and coming young dj from Chile ?
What was her journey, how did she get here and what’s her dream?
Do you care?
If you’re reading this far, you must have some interest.
I’ve done my research, like a real technology researcher would do, I’ve done my tests, and my market tests, I’ve seen what the communities are like, what they want they need.
I’ve seen their hearts and souls, I’ve seen their troubles. I’ve felt it with them, I’ve lived it, and I live to to the tale of me, who many people don’t even know, they call me a mystery. Yet some friends would notice parts and remnants of their stories, and when it gets to riske, I will certainly give them final edit control, because I wouldn’t want to hurt anyway, because I believe in the 100 percent and all of us evolving together, and that’s what I believe that we’re on the brink of as a human people, this is our human potential, our evolution, our revolution.
And technology is here to assist us, especially when people like I am involved, a mother of creation on earth, as many mothers are, who set out on a goal to get to know the needs of humanity and fell into her own dramatic, traumatic and heroic lifestyle and can speak to the beauty and pain of a people who’ve had all kinds of experiences, and I’m only one person, so I’ve touched upon only a few stories of human creation, yet I’m here to write, to speak, to dance and sing the story of our evolution alive as best I can. Because I believe in us, I believe in our momentum, our charge, our spirit and our reasons for coming together at this time, to learn and grow from and with each other, in the most beautiful way.
I have a dream, and it’s my dream that humanity comes alive to their most beautiful potential in the most beautiful way.
That young 20 year old who was scouted and then nearly offered a position on one of the most groundbreaking shows of the time, and lost it due to depression, is still and always has been on her goal of dreaming up a culture where we sustain joy, love and grace, while having gone on years of journeying, ups and downs, that can only speak to the state of the cultures and the people, and how we need help.
The American Dream of my parents was to lead a prosperous life in a new country that was different than theirs, to get away from their family’s culture and to build a new one. They reached their goal, no matter how much I mire their words of their dreams.. I know it’s something like this, and I will never, “get it right” like the early days of computing, where a human had to be the machine that knew what was right or wrong, that was able to use logic and reason to discover what was needed to come to a solution of a problem.
My father, before he found out he had cancer, bought the domain, Problemsproblemsproblems.com. I said, Dad, why not solutionssolutionssolutions.com ?
That’s the difference in generations. Each generation has a new quest, a new set of tools at their disposals, philosophies of their culture to orient to, and philosophies of the culture they chooose to orient to.
And often, we even have the ability to build our own culture.
That’s what a circle of influence is, that’s what the people around you look for, is the culture they wish to create. We mimic each other, we have mirror neurons, we feel each others magnetic hearts, and our hearts beat and pulse together.
We know this.. this is science.
Now what do we do with it?
Not to mention Quantum Entanglement.
Where Artificial Intelligence is the legacy of the best of humanity (when following the manifesto of good AI creation — ethical, trustworthy AI.)
The reality creation of humanity is upon us with what I call OMNI INTELLIGENCE.
What does that mean? And how does it work?
Well hopefully I will receive a universal basic income from somewhere, and I’ll have the time to share.
Thank you for reading if you read this.
I have so much to say, and I hope to say more.
This is a beautiful world and my life is about helping create it. I’ve done digital product design, information architecture, research, strategy, brand design, and also been in the weeds of production. I have a lot of skills, yet my best and favorite skill is to sing, to dance, to write, to speak with experts and hangout in labs, do rituals for healing, yoga and embodiment exercises and my dream is to create a system that’s for the benefit of humanity coming alive to the technology of themselves, a way to thrive through mindfulness, embodiment and the joy of relating in the most beautiful way.. and what that means to them…… Purpose, Prosperity, Potency for human evolution in way that considers the 100%
All of it. We are rich. It is poverty thinking that thinks some people have to win and rule over others. We are now a global village, the lines are getting blurred, and we are crossing, contents, borders, barriers and genetics, we are a global people and we are realizing the love and spirit in everyone’s heart. IF we want to.
What’s Your Dream?
